Even the bartender felt bad for me
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
