if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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