Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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