i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
