actually, I'm a sock model
your room smells of hookers.
And success
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
