dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
