On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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