I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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