we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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