I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Randomize
