You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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