it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
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