Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
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