Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
