The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
