The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
