Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
