I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
