On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
