just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
