I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
