i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize