I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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