we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
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