You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
