you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I said "one day" and that day is not today
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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