They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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