Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
