when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
NoShamevember. You game?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
