Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
My life is pants optional.
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