she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
where are you?
Hypothermia
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
