Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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