Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
