Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
