I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
