I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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