actually, I'm a sock model
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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