i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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