No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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