at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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