You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
