yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize