Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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