I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
