My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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