Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
