I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
