i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
