she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
