I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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