I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
