You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
