I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
