woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
