god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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