smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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