the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
