peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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