She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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