he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
