My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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