seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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