i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
