I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
