This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
