Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
