hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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