I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
foreskin is a definite game changer
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
