Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
