why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize