I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
