you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
