He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
