my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
