Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
