my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
wat bout pragnant strippers??
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
we're so committed to being not committed
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
