i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize