So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I just gift wrapped bread.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
